Saturday, February 25, 2006


My Heart is Heavy

I got the report back on my dog, Sierra. She has a "soft tissue tumor" in her leg. The veterinarian gave us several options, but I can't see that any of them are fair to Sierra. I could have the lump removed, but then she'd have skin graphs and radiation. The surgery might be botched and then they would have to amputate. It might be a success and lump would grow right back where it was. The leg could be amputated, but she might not survived the surgery as she is 10 years old. Some choices! I say those aren't really choices at all! And, not very fair either.

I love my sweetness dearly. Throughout my illness, she has been the sunlight in each day. When I am down, she manages to do something goofy that makes me smile. When I am in pain, she curls up on the bed next to me careful not to sit on my feet or other sore body parts. The time we spend together on our walks or laying around the house is the highlight of my day.

This is one of those times where I must put aside my own problems and concentrate on hers. At the same time, I have to stay on top of things because if I crumble, I won't be able to take care of her. No matter what I feel like, her injury is far more serious.

I find myself being very melancholy these days...remembering the "good ol' days". It wasn't long ago that we brought her home and she was scrambling on the linoleum.

For now, I plan to keep her comfortable. I let her lay in her favorite spot in the sunlight and I let her lick the peanut butter from my fingers after I give her her pills. She would do the same for me (and probably more!)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


A Stiff Glass of Chocolate Milk

Yesterday was one of those rough days. My stomach was acting like a roller coaster ride from the moment I got up until mid-afternoon. I had to take my dog in for a biopsy to see what the lump was on her leg. After the procedure she was a bit dopey and I had to watch her most of the day.

If worrying about her wasn't enough, my Dad almost gave me a heart attack later that day. He is 78 and a little more wobbly than he used to be. I was walking into the laundry room when I heard a crash. I looked out the back door and saw that a ladder had fallen. In the 10 seconds that it took me to walk to the living room, my brain was absorbing the fact that he was on the ladder. When I looked out the sliding glass door, he was laying on the cement unmoving. I ran to the door which was no easy feat. I can't really run and we have a toy barrier in the middle of the room to keep my dog out of part of the room. I hurdled over the Winnie the Pooh car and flung the door open. He was moving by that point.

I ran across the street to get our neighbor. All the while, I was thinking "I sure hope my foot doesn't go out on me in the middle of the road". After getting the neighbor, we determined he was okay if not a little battered and bruised. His worse injury is a sprained ankle. It was a quite a scare though. One of those things you always fear with your elderly parents.

I think he felt a little worse than he admitted. Today, he is walking with a cane and he has no recollection of what happened from when he hit the ground to when he left to pick up his grandson at school. If I'd known that he would have never been allowed in the car.

By evening, I was a bundle of nerves. To relax, I reached for a tall cool one--a glass of chocolate milk. I know what you're thinking. Most folks go for beer or alcohol. Not me, I'm a professed chocoholic. When I need to relax, it's the only thing that will do. And, I'm not talking about no wimpy glass of chocolate. There has to be at least 3 teaspoons at the bottom to indulge in after the drinking is done.

I often wonder why the days when you are least able to deal with life, more life heads your way. It was bad enough going for Sierra's preliminary consultation and then leaving her for the biopsy. I didn't really need the added thrill of my Dad trying aerial acrobatics.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


One Hell of a Day!

On an average day, I might have such anxiety over simple things like should I go shopping or not. Or, I might have such an aversion to putting on hot pepper lotion and will fight it even though I know it works wonders for my feet. It really makes me wonder how I find my inner strength when I need it. Today was one of those days!

My dog has a fatty tissue lump on her back leg. It's been there almost 2 years and has not bothered her. She injured it a week ago. I've been tending to it and it's been healing nicely. She's been wearing a hood to keep her away from it.

Yesterday, I went to my Mom's house for two hours to help her babysit my 3 year old niece. When we got home, I was in a panic. Somehow, Sierra ripped off the hood and then proceeded to tear open her lump. The living room resembles a crime scene.

We rushed her to the Vets. After they cleaned her up and bandaged her, I consulted with the Vet. We decided it'd be best to remove the lump.

I managed to get some sleep last night but was up from 5 am on. Sierra was dropped off for her surgery at 8am. And, then I waited, and waited, and waiting. God, how I hate waiting!!! The phone rang at 11:30am. It was the Vet. Sierra was doing great but... A big BUT! They couldn't remove the lump. When they went in, it turned out something else was there besides the fatty tissue. They decided that a surgery specialist needed to do the work because they didn't want to damage the leg.

After three telephone calls and an office visit, we brought her home. She seemed none the worst for the ordeal except for being tired. Tuesday we go to the specialist to see what's going on. It could be serious or not.

Somehow I have made it through the day. I am beyond tired right now and am bordering on the silly stage. It's remarkable that my normally topsy turvy stomach has made it through. I feel better that she is home, but I sure dread next week!

Friday, February 10, 2006 Update

Thanks to the wonderful Laurence at,, the companion website to this blog is alive...ALIVE!

I hope to never do that again. The thought of losing a domain name that I've spent two years trying to build really made me sad. We're not supposed to make mistakes, right? LOL Luckily, most mistakes can be rectified. And, it's great that their are businesses like HostNexus that go the extra mile with customer service. This really was my fault, but they took the time to help me out. I'm very appreciative! God knows, I can use the extra help.

Thanks for everyone's patience.

Thursday, February 09, 2006 Will Be Back

I had one of those doy moments helped along by a mind and body under siege from chronic disease. That's a complicated way of saying "Ooops! I forgot".

I knew that had to be renewed. It's been on my mind for weeks. So, what do I do? I log in to renew it and realize I had the wrong date in my head! It had expired that same day.

I hate it when I do dumb stuff like this--especially when I KNEW!!! ugh! I think sometimes there are about 1000 things going on in my head, all of them needing to be done, and not one of them near completion. Then I have to worry about the world, my nieces and nephew, did I remember to tape the Daily Show?, did I make anything to eat for dinner?...well, you know the ritual.

My apologies to anyone who has been looking for the website. It's been renewed and it will be back online as soon as the DNS and the internet catches up to it.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Spring At Last?

I know that Mother Nature is tricking us. It's way too early for spring time. But, boy, have we been having some glorious weather!!! It was 70F today. Not bad for the middle of February.

This sudden change in weather has by body in a tizzy. It doesn't know if it's supposed to have winter joints or spring joints. I wonder if others have this same problem when the seasons change. It seems my body is going through some sort of adjustment. So, instead of feeling good because it's warm outside, I feel out of sorts.

Sometime around April I'll suddenly realize that my joints haven't been as rusty and my flu like symptoms have settled down. And, then I'm off on 3 to 4 months of feeling good.

It sure does lift your spirits to feel the warmth of the sun. I'll have to be patient though. I know that this is just a little tease. We're sure to have more rain and fog lurking around the corner.

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